Please Forgive Me
by BenoightLangson
Summary: Olivia returns to Chicago to finally say goodbye to an old friend after years of not speaking.


**A/N: This idea kind of just popped into my head and I had to let it out. I don't own any of the characters.**

It had been years since Olivia had been to Chicago and the last time she was there, things didn't end well. She had told Hank about her relationship with Ed Tucker after he confessed his feelings for her. He basically told her to stay out of his life and he never wanted to see her again. That had been the last time she had seen and spoken to him. A year later, she and Tucker had broken up and while she wanted to call Hank and tell him that he was right, she knew she shouldn't.

A couple years later, Olivia had gotten a call from Erin that Hank had been shot in the chest and didn't make it. She wanted to let her know when the arrangements were in case any of them wanted to attend. Olivia had sent her condolences from her and her Unit but none of them would be attending as they had a huge case they were working on. She could tell Erin was disappointed and hadn't heard from her after that.

She hated what she had done to her relationships with both Hank and Erin. She knew Hank had lost his only son but she never once called him to offer her condolences and she has regretted it ever since. She made arrangements to fly to Chicago for a few days, since Noah was in school, she left him in Lucy's care and the squad could handle things in her absence. When she arrived in Chicago and got her car, she drove straight to the cemetery after she stopped to buy flowers and checked into her hotel. He was buried with Camille and Justin as he should have been. When she saw his gravestone, she nearly lost it. There was just so much that remained unsaid between them during the last years of this life. She went over to them and put flowers on all 3 graves.

"Hey, Hank. It's me, Olivia. I know that you told me that you never wanted to see me again but I needed to tell you some things. You'll be glad to know that Tucker and I broke up a year later and you were right. I wasn't thinking straight when I decided to get into a relationship with him. You don't know how much I wanted to tell you that but I respected your wishes and stayed out of your life. I didn't want to. I think I cared about you more than I was willing to admit and for a long time. I never should have broken your heart the way I did when you told me how you felt about me. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. When Erin called and told me you were gone, I didn't know what to say. I also don't know why it took me so long to come here. I should have been here for your funeral but mainly I should have been here for you while you were still alive. If I had been, maybe you'd still be here right now. I'm so sorry, Hank. Right now, I would give anything for one more moment with you to tell you how much I love you and how much you meant to me. I know that won't ever happen but I just hope that you can forgive me for not being here when you needed me. I love you, Hank Voight and I always will."

Olivia knelt down and kissed her fingers before touching Hank's gravestone and she broke down. She heard crunching leaves, so she knew someone walking toward her. She looked up to see Erin standing behind her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

Olivia stood up and then she and Erin wrapped their arms around each other.

"Erin, I am so sorry for everything. I should have been here for you. I know how much you loved him."

"A part of me died when he died just like when we lost Camille and Justin. They were more family to me than my mom ever was. Now it feels like I have nothing. I still hear from Olive and Daniel and I go see them whenever I can."

"What about Jay?"

"We're not together anymore. I've pretty much been inconsolable since Hank's death and I pushed him away. We're not even partners anymore. He ended up transferring to another Unit, so we really don't even see each other anymore unless it's at Molly's. I've been thinking about calling you to see if maybe you had an opening. I need to get out of Chicago. I just didn't know where we stood after not hearing from you for a few years."

"I never meant for that to happen. The last time I was here, Hank told me how he felt about me and I told him that I was in a relationship with someone else. He told me to stay out of his life and he never wanted to see me again. I never meant to hurt him nor did I mean to sound so cold when you called to tell me about him. We really did have a case."

"I know. I called Rollins later that night and we talked for quite a while. Hank had tried shutting me out after he had it out with you but I wouldn't let him. It's just that he fell hard for you and he at least expected you to tell him you felt something for him too."

"It's not that I didn't because I did. I just couldn't admit it. I ruined what was probably the best thing to ever happen to me in a long time. For the longest time after the Yates case, I wished he and I had kissed. I just wanted to know what it would have been like. I have a feeling that I would not have been disappointed."

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"Absolutely."

"I'll meet you at Molly's. I need to stop and get something at my apartment."

"Ok. Goodbye, Hank."

Erin and Olivia both walked to the respective vehicles and Olivia drove to Molly's, while Erin ran home to get something for Olivia. When Olivia arrived at Molly's, she got out of the car and went inside. It wasn't as busy as she had expected it to be. She walked over to the table, the one next to the Chicago Blackhawks banner, the same one she and Hank had shared that first time they had gone out for beers together and sat down to wait for Erin. Her first visit to Molly's seemed like an eternity ago but she remembered it as if it were only yesterday.

"Hey, Lieutenant. Long time no see."

"Yeah, it's been a while. Good to see you, Herrmann."

"You too. What can I get you?"

"A Manhattan please."

"Sure thing."

Herrmann went to get Olivia her Manhattan and brought it over to her. She took one look at it and had tears running down her cheeks.

"You ok, Lieutenant?"

"Yeah. I'm just thinking about an old friend."

"We all miss him too."

Erin came in and joined Olivia.

"I'll have what she's having."

"You got it."

Herrmann went to get Erin a Manhattan as well.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

Herrmann went back over to the bar.

"Here."

"What's this?"

"His favorite leather jacket. I want you to have it."

"Why? You should keep it."

"I kept all of his shirts. I wanted you to have something of his."

"Thank you. This means a lot to me."

Erin and Olivia both picked up their glasses.

"To Hank."

"To Hank."

They clinked glasses and sat and talked for a while. Olivia told Erin she would love to have her join SVU. She told her to let her know when she was planning to some out, so she could let her Boss know. Erin went home and Olivia went to her hotel. Olivia tried the jacket on and even though it was a little big on her, she'd wear it as often as she could. She noticed there was something in the inside pocket. She reached in and pulled it out. It was an envelope addressed to her in Hank's writing. She sat down on the bed and opened it.

" _Olivia, I know I said some things to you the last time you were here that I probably shouldn't have said. I've never been good with communicating my feelings. I wasn't with Camille at times and I sure as hell wasn't with you. I've loved you from the moment we met and you threatened to arrest me. You're probably the only person who can talk to me like that and get away with it. I'm not sorry I told you that I had feelings for you because that won't ever change but I am sorry for what I said to you that night. I know you and that Tucker guy broke up a year later. Rollins and Lindsay talk and Lindsay told me. I'll always be here for you even if you just need someone to talk to. I may not listen to many people but I listened to you. You'd always tell me to play it by the book and I did. I'd do anything for you and you know that. I just wish you would have let me love you. I know I told you that I didn't want to see you again but that's not true. My feelings were hurt and I tend to say stuff when I'm pissed off as we all do. I still want us to be a part of each other's lives even if we're just friends. I can live with that even though a part of me wants more. Hopefully one day you can forgive me for what happened that night. I already forgave you because deep down I knew it was more my fault than it was yours. I just want you to be happy. I love you, Olivia Benson and I always will. Hank."_

Once again, Olivia had tears running down her cheeks. Hank had forgiven her and she was glad for that. She just wished that they had been able to tell each other all this while Hank was still alive. Even though Hank was no longer here, she would always have the memories of the times they shared. When she went to bed that night, she had a dream about Hank. She knew that he would always be with her and watching out for her. She felt she owed it to him to look out for Erin. She couldn't wait for Erin to come to New York and start her job with SVU.

 **Reviews are appreciated as always.**


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